don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
