White coat. Heels.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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