marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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