It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
