Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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