do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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