they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize