birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
