he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's shark week go big or go home
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
