I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
