I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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