are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
