remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
