What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
