So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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