I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
