Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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