You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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