So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
