so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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