Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
