Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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