You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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