if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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