A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
