Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
