you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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