im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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