all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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