There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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