tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
