Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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