real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
