Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
