I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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