Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
