Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
