she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
