I should be sponsored by Trojan
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
