i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
