i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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