Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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