how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
