the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize