so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
