moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this just has baby written all over it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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