After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
