she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
