M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
