Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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