Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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