We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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