she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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