And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize