Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
