I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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