Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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