Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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