dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
