Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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