I think im going to throw up on grandma
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
