We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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