pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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