Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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