So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
