I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i came on her dog
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize