Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
