Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
