lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
